Exposed
by LoveMarines
Summary: A case hits close to home for Tony. Will he be able to put his past behind him or will he slowly pull away from everyone? Angst/Romance. Tony/Gibbs Rating will change for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys! What's up? **

**This story will be a little angsty but nothing our favorite team can't handle, right? :-)**

**This is a WIP, I intend to update this every three-four days. **

**Hope you like it! **

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CHAPTER 1

Gibbs sighed as he took in the scene of the crime.

The team had been called out for the murder on Anthony Harris, a young petty officer who'd been murdered on board of the USS Enterprise.

He carefully stepped around the body to take a closer look. Whoever did this, it sure as hell was personal. The lifeless body of the young man lay on a public spot on deck, where everyone could easily see him. His hands were tied together with a heavy chain. The skin under the chain was a deep shade of purple, a great contrast with his otherwise ashen color.

He was naked apart from his underwear, which had been torn to pieces and wasn't covering much anymore.

But the thing that probably stood out the most, was the word 'FAG' that had been scratched into the skin of the petty officer's chest. Gibbs could see that it was an angry message as the carving was deep and bloody.

He was interrupted from his observations by a hand on his shoulder. He already turned around to give instructions to DiNozzo when he saw who was standing next to him.

"Burley?"

Stan Burley laughed his boyish grin. "You seem surprised? Are you forgetting things, old man? I am the Agent Afloat?"

"You'll be surprised by what happens if you call me 'old man' again", the team leader grumbled. Where _was _DiNozzo, anyway? Burley went over his timeline with him, stating that the victim was well liked among the others. He'd been missing since the previous night, when he'd failed to show up for his checkup with the doctor on board.

"Doctor? Something wrong?"

"Nah", Burley waved him away. "Just the routine check, all personnel will be checked within the following days. For now, I can't really think of anything that would have called for… this." His breath hitched in his throat.

They watched for a moment as McGee took pictures of the scene around them. Ziva stood a few feet away, interviewing two petty officers whom had worked with Harris recently. DiNozzo was still nowhere to be seen. He'd probably already found a perky officer to flirt with. Gibbs swallowed past the familiar surge of jealousy that tended to close his throat when he thought about women throwing themselves at Tony's feet.

He forced himself to focus back on Stan. His former SIC looked tired but good nonetheless. Maybe he should ask for a transfer to an aircraft carrier, preferably some place without a hot Italian carrying a sidearm. _Siberia could be nice, this time of the year?_

_Stop it! _He scolded himself. Time to get past this. He had a job to do. As he divided the personnel between his team members and they set to questioning them, he felt himself calm down. This was what he was good at. He took in a deep breath and then set to work. DiNozzo would find him when he needed a new task.

* * *

Two hours later, Gibbs felt his newfound confidence slowly start to slip away. He still hadn't spotted DiNozzo. As McGee came around the corner, he stopped the younger Agent.

"McGee. Where's DiNozzo?"

Tim opened his mouth to say something when he frowned and closed it again.

"I don't know. Haven't seen him for a while. Want me to look for him, Boss?"

Gibbs waved him away with a curt shake of his head. It did little to comfort him. Usually Tony would tease Ziva and McGee about the structure of the ship, telling them that they were going the wrong way or jumping out from behind a corner to try to scare them. Maybe DiNozzo had just considered that the serious case didn't call for teasing and he'd been busy working?

Still, something didn't sit right with him. But maybe that was his tendency to overthink everything about Tony and there was nothing actually wrong with his Second in Command.

Gibbs shook his head as he walked in the doctor's office and showed the man his badge.

"Special Agent Gibbs. Got a moment?"

"Sure, come in. Doctor Reed." The doctor greeted him with his own title, a little smirk telling Gibbs that he found titles overrated. The man had to be around fifty, with dark, kind eyes and unruly half long grey hair. His handshake was strong and Gibbs could imagine how the personnel easily confided in him.

"I take it this is about Anthony?"

Gibbs nodded and waited to see what else the doctor would offer up.

The doctor sighed. "I don't get it. Anthony was just here for his checkup. He was perfectly healthy and didn't say anything about a fight or problem with anyone."

"Everyone comes to you with their problem?"

The doctor's smile grew with Gibbs' frown.

"_He_ would have. Anthony was like an open book. He came to me a couple of times when he wanted to discuss something."

"Like what?"

"I'm afraid that's confidential." Doctor Reed must've noticed the twitch in Gibbs' jaw because he smiled again.

"It's nothing that would be useful for your investigation."

"Maybe you should stick to your profession and I'll do mine." Gibbs failed to keep the growl out of his voice as he answered slowly. He hated those psych-types, always being mysterious for the sake of being mysterious.

"No need to get defensive, Agent Gibbs." The doctor gazed calculatingly at him. Finally he let out a sigh and shrugged.

"I trust that you will handle this information appropriately." Doctor Reed waited and Gibbs nodded to keep the man talking.

"Anthony Harris was having a relationship."

"With?" God, this was like pulling teeth. Gibbs' fingers twitched, eager to shake the words out of the man before him.

"Agent Burley."

Gibbs felt his eyes grow wide for just a second and then bit his tongue to keep from laughing out loud. _Burley? No way._

They shook hands as Gibbs thanked him for the intel and the team leader walked into the corridor. He thought about Stan Burley – he'd just seen the man a couple of hours ago. He hadn't looked like his boyfriend had just been murdered. Again, he felt the urge to laugh. _Stan? Gay?_

The janitor's closet was open and he absentmindedly peeked inside as he walked by. The smile on his face instantly died.

There, hidden in a corner, with his arms wrapped around his knees, slowly rocking back and forth, was Tony.

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**TBC! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the encouraging reviews! On with chapter two :-) I think it's better if I let this story move faster so I've decided to update this every other day :) enjoy! **

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**CHAPTER 2**

In a single instance, Gibbs' annoyance towards Tony disappeared entirely as he watched the bundle of misery that was his Second in Command.

"Tony?" he breathed out, gently approaching the Italian. His voice was hoarse with agitation. What the hell was going on?

Tony hadn't heard Gibbs' approach and in an effort to stand up as quickly as he could, he fell on his ass and crawled back, desperately trying to put some distance between them. His hands touched around himself to find some leverage to pull himself up as he avoided eye contact with his boss.

Gibbs, not understanding what was wrong, held out a hand to pull the man up but it only seemed to scare Tony more – the younger man made a distressed sound in the back of his throat and shied away from the contact. Gibbs pulled back his hand as if he'd burnt himself and took a few steps back. He knew he was looking deeply concerned and he had trouble regaining his composure.

Tony, who'd seemingly found his equilibrium back, squeezed his body past Gibbs' in an extreme effort not to touch the older man. His well-known tendency to babble was quickly surfacing.

"Sorry Boss. I wasn't trying to get out of work, just needed a place to think. You know, get my ducks in a row? Not like quack-quack in my head but the facts, of course. Although this sounds more like quack-quack, I know that but I –"

Gibbs' hand twitched with the all-too familiar urge to slap the Italian on the back of his head, usually an affectionate gesture that reminded his Agent to focus. But the silver haired man had a gut feeling that hitting the man would have terrible consequences right now.

A thin sheen of sweat covered DiNozzo's forehead and upper lip. His eyes were wide and his pupils blown. His cheeks were flushed and his chest heaved with his rapid breaths. His hands were still shaking, something Tony seemed to be aware of as well since he clenched his fingers in a fist to regain his control.

"DiNozzo? What the hell is going on?"

In that moment, Gibbs stared at his right hand man as he watched the Italian put a blank expression on is face as if it were a mask. When Tony spoke, it was clearly and controlled and it did absolutely nothing to comfort Gibbs.

"Nothing, I just told you I needed to think."

With that, Tony walked out of the room, leaving Gibbs dumbfounded. He felt a fleeting urge to command the younger man to fess up but he'd seen Tony close himself off – he wouldn't get anywhere if he tried now.

For what felt like the millionth time that day, he told himself to focus. He had to grill Burley.

* * *

He knocked at Burley's door but didn't wait to enter. As he walked inside the tiny office, Gibbs

immediately realized the doctor had been right.

Burley sat at his desk, his eyes closed and his fingers rubbing slow circles over his temples.

"What's up, Gibbs?"

"How'd you know it was me?"

Stan huffed out a laugh and glanced at Gibbs. "Not many people I know who lack common courtesy like waiting after they knock.

Gibbs shrugged, keeping his eyes trained on his former Agent. He'd taught the man a lot and couldn't deny the small sense of pride when Burley's eyes narrowed.

"You know."

The silver haired man nodded.

"I'm sorry, Stan." Gibbs offered gently. He thought back to that morning, when he'd first seen Burley back. He'd looked tired but Gibbs hadn't suspected anything more than added workload as the cause.

Stan Burley sighed as he leaned against his desk.

"It wasn't like I _loved_ the guy but… you know… there was something there. Maybe. Doesn't matter now anyways."

They both ignored his red eyes.

Before Gibbs couldn't ask anything, they were interrupted by a knock. They both laughed as the person at the other side of the door waited for Burley to answer.

"Come in." Stan called out as he chuckled.

Ducky peeked his head inside and seemed relieved to find Gibbs there.

"Jethro, do you have a moment? I wanted to share some of my preliminary findings with you."

"Go ahead, Duck."

"Cause of death looks like strangulation. But there was something else. I will have to perform a proper exam at the Navy Yard but it looks like the poor petty officer was raped prior to his death."

Burley slapped his hand over his mouth and raced out of his office.

"Oh dear, were they close?" Ducky asked worriedly. As Gibbs filled him in, the doctor sighed deeply.

"Catch the bastard that did this, Jethro."

"Working on it, Duck." Gibbs patted the doctor on his back as he went to search for the team.

* * *

Gibbs groaned internally as he went over the personnel with McGee and Ziva. Nobody stood out. He didn't feel like spending a week on this ship, he needed something.

At that moment Tony walked in and sat down as if he'd hung out with the team all day.

Apparently Gibbs wasn't the only one who noticed as McGee raised an eyebrow.

"Where have you been? I haven't seen you all day."

"It's a big ship, Probie. I might have something." Tony was all business, which was weird in itself, but he continued before anyone could comment on it.

"One of petty officer Harris' bunk mates told me that Harris used to be real close with Sam Wilson, another petty officer. They used to pull the same shifts but then Wilson asked for a transfer a few weeks ago. Apparently he got it, too."

Ziva frowned.

"I interviewed him and I did not feel like they were close. Petty officer Wilson talked about the victim like he did not know him."

Gibbs nodded. "Maybe he discovered something he didn't like about his friend."

He went over the timeline again and tried to piece together where Harris was last seen before his body was discovered. Suddenly he froze as he thought back to his conversation with Stan Burley that morning.

Burley had told him that Harris had missed his checkup with doctor Reed. But hadn't Reed told him that he'd been there? Had he lied? And why?

"Maybe the killer forced him to be quiet, give him an alibi?"

Gibbs and DiNozzo seemed to reach the same conclusion simultaneously. _That meant the doctor was in danger._

Tony, who'd been sitting in a corner, suddenly jumped out of his seat. He jerked the door open and Gibbs took off after him as he raced to the doctor's office. He almost ran into Tony as the younger man suddenly halted inside the door.

The Italian stepped aside and Gibbs' shoulders dropped in defeat.

Doctor Reed was lying beside the examination table. He was dead.

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**TBC! Reviews are love!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Again thanks for the sweet comments! I love that you are eager to find out what happened to Tony :) **

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**CHAPTER 3 **

"Shit!" Gibbs cursed as he kicked the desk. It gave a satisfying noise. He felt sick to his stomach – if he'd been more focused that morning, he'd realized immediately that Stan and doctor Reed had both given him different information. And maybe Reed wouldn't be dead right now.

He breathed deeply through his nose and the sick feeling slowly ebbed away. He was about to start calling out orders to the team when Tony suddenly turned around.

The Italian's arm latched out and grabbed Gibbs' wrist. Tony pulled Gibbs closer until their chests almost touched and then leaned in to whisper in the older man's ear.

"Somebody's hiding in the closet against the wall."

Gibbs shivered from the close contact as he nodded. The temperature in the room seemed to drop several degrees as soon as Tony stepped away from him, his gaze inscrutable.

"There's nothing more we can do here", Tony called out, "let's go."

He walked around the room to the closet, making sure his shoes didn't make a sound on the carpet. Gibbs approached the closet from the other side of the room and waited a beat before giving Tony the signal to jerk open the door.

Tony's hand slowly gripped the handle of the door and then opened it in one fluid move.

"NCIS. Get out, asshole." Tony moved to pull the man out of the closet and Gibbs was about to hand him the cuffs when he saw the man pull a knife. Only a split second was needed for the teamleader to bring up his gun to the back of the other man's neck.

"Freeze." He growled, satisfied when the perp dropped his knife and Tony cuffed him to a nearby chair.

At that moment Ziva walked into the doctor's office, followed by Ducky and Palmer. As the ME set to packing up the doctor's body and carrying it out of the room, Ziva nodded to the man they'd just cuffed.

"That's Wilson." She stated.

* * *

A day later at the Navy Yard, Gibbs finished up Wilson's interrogation with Ziva. The petty officer had admitted to raping and killing Anthony Harris, as well as killing doctor Reed.

"I don't get why Anthony was begging me to stop. Aren't all gays into that sort of thing? He was lucky to have me." Wilson chuckled.

Gibbs breathed slowly in an extreme effort not to bang the man's head against the table. He packed up the paperwork and followed Ziva out of the interrogation room.

"How is Stan doing?" She asked.

Gibbs shrugged in return. "He's okay."

"McGee still with Abby? Tell him that he doesn't have to come in for the next two days, compensation from Vance for spending the weekend on the Enterprise."

Gibbs watched her walk away and he breathed a sigh of relief. The case was finished and they were back home – maybe now everything would go back to normal. He walked into the observation room next door and stopped dead in his tracks.

The past two days he'd had trouble keeping his head in the game and putting his concern for Tony to the side. His Senior Field Agent was clearly struggling with something but Gibbs had no idea as to what.

Tony was functioning like a robot; he was present but everything he did was… calculated. Without feelings. Usually Tony loved the chase but he always managed to balance it with little jokes and stories on the side.

But he was nothing like that now. His frown had been deepening steadily as he'd worked on gathering intel on the case. As soon as Gibbs let the team go in the evening, he fled the bullpen, only to return in the morning, looking more beat than he had the night before.

And now, Gibbs was standing in the observation room, trying to come up with something to say to his SFA.

Tony was leaning against the glass with his forehead, his eyes still trained on the table where Sam Wilson was seated on the other side of the glass. Gibbs couldn't tell if he was really _looking _at the man as Tony's eyes seemed to bore their way through him.

The Italian's ever-smiling lips were set in a grim line and the color had drained from his skin.

Gibbs' heart leaped in his throat as his gaze lowered. Tony had crossed his arms and he was slowly scratching his arms. Gibbs saw how his fingertips dug into the muscle and pulled, leaving angry red marks on his otherwise flawless skin. Tony kept scratching the same spot over and over again as if he didn't even notice the pain he must be feeling.

"Tony?"

This time, Tony didn't leap up like he had on the Enterprise. It was like he hadn't even heard him. Gibbs' couldn't spot any sign on the younger man's face that would tell him Tony had heard him.

"Tony." He tried again, approaching him.

"Hmm?" This time, Tony turned to him, as if Gibbs was just going to give him another task.

"Can we go home?" he asked before Gibbs could say anything.

Gibbs felt himself nod, again at a loss for something to say. He reached out to – to do what, exactly? He'd never been a tactile person but the way Tony was behaving had him feeling so off balance that he'd try anything at this point to go back to normal.

Suddenly something flared in Tony's eyes and he looked petrified. It lasted only a second and then it was gone. But he'd clearly not recovered yet because when he spoke, his voice sounded high and strained.

"Don't touch me!" he managed, only above a whisper, before hastily striding out of the room.

Gibbs was rooted to the spot for a moment and when he got his legs to listen to his command to go after the Italian, the hallway was already empty.

* * *

Gibbs had been working on the boat but the scene in the observation room kept playing before his eyes. How scared Tony had looked and how he'd… _hurt _himself.

Usually, when Tony was dealing with something, it helped to make him get it out. It helped the younger man to talk it out and he'd feel better afterward.

But this time, Gibbs only seemed to hurt the younger man more with his presence. It hurt him and he hated himself for being so petty when Tony's problem was obviously eating at him. But no matter how hard he thought about the past few days and weeks, he couldn't come up with anything he'd done that might have pissed Tony off.

He would have preferred Tony to be angry, he could deal with that. But this Tony was… delicate, hurt, distant. He'd felt on edge for days, trying to come up with an explanation.

God, he hated feeling this useless! He was Jethro Gibbs, second b for bastard, damnit! He was never clueless and now he felt like he was missing something, an essential piece to the puzzle, that was right in front of him.

As he dug out his phone to call Tony, the doubt flared up again. There were two options. Either Tony would not pick up and he would have nothing. Or the man did pick up and he'd get DiNozzo's detached voice on the line, asking him if they had a case like nothing had happened.

Gibbs realized that he _had _to call, if only to stave off his growing insanity for another moment. He pushed the speed dial button and waited for the dial tone but he was immediately transferred to Tony's voicemail.

He didn't realize that he was on the move until he'd grabbed his keys from the bowl at the front door but he suddenly couldn't go back now, couldn't go another minute not seeing the younger man.

He drove on autopilot, his foot flooring the gas pedal and the yellow Challenger growled hungrily. He parked in the middle of two parking spots like an egotistical asshole but he couldn't bring himself to care. As he left the elevator and took the stairs two by two, he was breathing harshly when he finally stood in front of Tony's door.

The gnawing doubt flared up again and Gibbs wondered if he was doing the right thing. Was he doing this for Tony or simply because _he _needed peace of mind? Just the thought of the younger man was enough to increase his heartbeat and he realized he would do _anything_ he could if it meant that Tony would feel better.

He knocked a few times, barely waiting in between.

"Tony!" he called out between knocks. His gut churned and he dug up his lock-picking kit. He picked the lock and slammed the door open.

His heart missed a beat as his eyes fell on his Senior Field Agent, lying on the couch. For an instant he thought the worst but then he saw Tony's chest rise and fall with his shallow breaths.

As he approached Tony and called his name again, the younger man woke and blinked up, trying to orientate himself. When he seemed to realize that Gibbs had snuck into his home, he sighed.

"I called you." Gibbs offered dumbly, swallowing down the urge to demand answers from Tony.

Tony pushed himself upright on the couch and stared back at Gibbs, his gaze unreadable.

"I'm sorry for breaking rule three." He drawled, his voice surprisingly steady. Gibbs heard his words but Tony's gaze was distant again as if he wasn't sorry at all.

Then Gibbs froze as Tony's hand came up and gripped his thigh.

"Do you want me to make it up to you?" Tony asked seductively as he brought his fingers up to undo the button on Gibbs' jeans.

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**TBC…**


	4. Chapter 4

**This is a shorter chapter because I felt like it had to end where it does. BUT a longer one will follow soon and from now on it will be a little less angsty :) **

**Thank you for all your amazing comments, trying to guess what's up with Tony! all will be explained :) **

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**CHAPTER 4 **

Gibbs' knees bucked under the sudden flare of lust that shot down his spine to his groin. Than he gasped and stepped out of Tony's reach.

"What are you doing?" he breathed.

Tony scooted closer until he was sitting on the edge of the couch.

"I can make you feel so good. I know you want me, Gibbs. Or do you want me to call you boss?" Tony pushed himself up and came to stand in front of Gibbs and the team leader held his breath, not knowing what to do. Obviously giving in wasn't the answer but what would happen if he pushed Tony away? Again he thought of the fear he'd seen in Tony's eyes earlier.

The Italian seemed to decide for him because he reached out his hand again and this time he cupped Gibbs' cock through his jeans, unabashedly, while his gaze never changed, never warmed.

Gibbs grabbed Tony's wrist, not caring anymore about scaring him. He jerked the younger man's hand away and breathed deeply, trying to calm down his body's response. _How could this turn him on?_

"I don't want this." He managed. He sounded pathetic, even to himself.

"Why not?" Tony's voice was soft like velvet but Gibbs didn't recognize him. This encounter felt as personal as sleeping with a prostitute. As he thought about it, his stomach churned. Tony was offering sex as some sort of… payment.

"I just don't."

"Come on." Tony laughed. "Do you think I don't notice how you look at me? You want me. Take me across the table, you can fantasize it's your desk." He smirked.

"Stop it!" Gibbs' voice rose as he roughly jerked away from Tony. The younger man's words hit him like fists. Was this really how Tony saw him? Like an easy prey? He felt bile rise in his throat and breathed through his nose, trying to hold onto his last shred of control. Tony was trying to make him angry. So he would leave or so he would take him? He didn't know.

"I love you, damnit." He forced the words over his lips, thinking they might get through the younger man's thick skull.

His words stopped Tony dead in his tracks. The Italian dropped his hand and stared at him as if he'd just spoken in a foreign language.

Silence stretched out between them until Tony glanced down, breaking their eye contact.

"Don't ever say that again." He whispered. Then he turned around and walked into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

And Gibbs stood there. For minutes, maybe hours. He didn't know when his legs had moved and he'd sat down on the couch. Finally he'd surrendered to a vivid, tormented sleep.

* * *

Gibbs jolted upright and looked around, trying to orientate himself. He sighed deeply as he realized where he was and why. Just as he was about to lie back down, he heard a scream and scrambled up to run to the bedroom.

Tony was jerking his head away from an invisible assailant and flailing his arms in the air.

"Please, no more. Noooo-"

The scream made Gibbs' heart freeze in his chest. _What the hell was he dreaming about? _

"Tony… Tony!" Gibbs tried to wake the man with just his voice but he realized that Tony was in too deep. He moved towards the bed and gently shook Tony's shoulder.

Bad move.

The Italian jerked out of his touch and his hand shot out, gripping Gibbs' throat. Gibbs desperately tried to wake the man by scratching at his hand. He felt dizzy as his heart raced.

Finally the pain seemed to register in Tony's brain and the man woke up, startled. In another situation it would be comical how his eyes traced his arm from his own shoulder to the hand around Gibbs' neck. His eyes grew impossibly wide and he jerked his hand away.

"Oh my god, I – Gibbs. I – what are you doing here?" Tony looked around as if he'd find the answers in his bedroom.

"You were having a dream", Gibbs rasped. He coughed and breathed in deeply. Tony looked entirely different now. Maybe because he'd just woken up and hadn't had time to put on his mask yet. But the dream had left him feeling vulnerable and defenseless, that much Gibbs could see from Tony's insecure glance around the room.

"Talk to me, Tony." Gibbs asked pleadingly.

The younger man slowly shook his head.

"I can't." he whispered back. Only now Gibbs could see the tremors running over Tony's spine, his skin slick with sweat.

"You need a shower." Gibbs whispered back, as if he'd scare Tony away if he talked louder. He held out his hand and breathed out a sigh of relief when the younger man took it and let himself be pulled out of bed.

After several failed efforts to pull off his T-shirt with his shaking hands, Gibbs slowly took it off for him. They exchanged a fleeting glance and Gibbs left Tony's boxers on, not feeling comfortable undressing the man while he was fully clothed.

Tony didn't move and Gibbs gently pushed him under the shower. The cool water hit Tony's heated skin and the younger man released a shuddering breath as he sat down on the floor. The water rained down on him and Gibbs sat down next to him, not caring that his clothes were getting wet.

Minutes went by while they sat next to each other.

The water washed away every defense that Tony had carefully built up around himself and Gibbs could see how Tony's blank mask was slowly replaced with a look of intense grief. When the tears finally came, they ran silently over his cheeks until Gibbs heard a choked sound from Tony's throat and the man gave himself over to his terrors, his body wracked by his sobs as he curled up against Gibbs' side.

* * *

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! I hope this chapter answers some of your questions! I seriously cannot thank you enough for your continued feedback - it encourages me so much! THANK YOU! **

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**CHAPTER 5**

Gibbs just sat there as Tony cried against his chest. He'd wrapped an arm around the younger man's shoulders but he was afraid that Tony would close off again at any moment, deciding that he'd shown too much of himself.

He felt the tremors run over Tony's back as he awkwardly ran a hand over his shoulderblades. The shivering gradually subsided and Tony took in a shuddering breath. Gibbs expected him to get up but Tony still sat there, tucked into his embrace, his warm breath tickling the hairs on Gibbs' arm - the only sign that he was still alive.

Then Tony moved slightly and he nuzzled the older man's neck, sighing deeply. Gibbs closed his eyes at the intimate contact and cleared his throat. _What the hell did DiNozzo expect him to do?_

Tony backed away just enough to capture his gaze. His lips were puffy, his eyes were red and glazed over and Gibbs still thought he'd never seen anyone look more beautiful. The older man reached out and brushed a lone tear from Tony's cheek, making the Italian close his eyes and sigh again.

Tony moved his head ever so slightly, pressing a kiss against Gibbs' thumb. Gibbs' heart missed a beat and his breath hitched audibly. For a moment he thought Tony smiled but it was gone before he could examine it closer. The Italian's gaze was... impenetrable. Gibbs had no idea what the younger man was thinking as he dipped his head again and sucked Gibbs' thumb between his lips. The silver haired man was unable to bite back a soft groan as he felt Tony's hot tongue run over the digit. He could feel himself harden already, the sensation as clear as a head slap - he couldn't do this.

He pulled back his finger, his cock twitching as Tony's lips released his thumb with an audible pop.

"Tony", he whispered, his voice husky as ever. "I can't do this."

"Why not?" the younger man asked calmly, and Gibbs realized with a start that he sounded angry again.

"I don't know why you're doing this but it's not because you want me."

"So you know everything about me now?" Tony tried to get up but Gibbs held him against his chest.

"I know that you're not okay." Gibbs managed, Tony's animosity tugging at his heart.

Tony jerked himself out of Gibbs' grasp and got up, stumbling back as he tried to find his balance.

"I just want to forget!" He roared as he shut the water off. "I thought you would understand the need for silence but here you are, all touchy feely. Just... get out."

"No."

"No?! _Get the fuck out of my shower_! I don't want you here!" Tony growled as Gibbs stood up slowly.

Gibbs tried to breathe through the hurt. Tony didn't mean this.

"Tony. I'm not gonna leave you alone here. So either go back to sleep or talk to me but I'm not going." He reached out and took a big, soft towel out of the closet. He wrapped it around Tony and the anger seemed to drain from the younger man in an instant.

"I don't want you to see me like this." The Italian whispered.

Gibbs didn't answer as he slowly dried Tony off with rough strokes, needing to put some distance between them if he wanted to be able to think straight.

He followed the younger man into the bedroom. Why, he didn't know. He didn't know if he was helping the younger man or keeping him from dealing with his problems. He didn't seem to know _anything _and he hated the insecurity. He was Leroy Jethro Gibbs, goddamnit, and his reputation often preceded him.

But now... now he felt vulnerable, like he'd been when he'd kissed Bryce Morgan, the kid from across the street back in Stillwater.

Tony crawled into bed and pulled up his legs, curling up like a ball on the queen-sized mattress. Gibbs was about to return to the couch when Tony spoke up again.

"Can you lie here with me?"

Now he didn't know what the younger man's intentions were anymore. One minute Tony was sucking his thumb, the next he wanted to beat him. DiNozzo must've sensed Gibbs' hesitation.

"Just to sleep."

Gibbs nodded, feeling like a fool because Tony couldn't see it. As his back hit the mattress, he realized how truly tired he was.

* * *

When Gibbs opened his eyes again, he realized he must've fallen asleep. He noticed with a start that the sun was already starting to rise. He was about to get up when he remembered that they wouldn't have to go into work for the next two days. He sighed as he lay back down and listened to the sound of Tony's breathing. The younger man seemed to have calmed down somewhat.

"Goodmorning" he said, knowing Tony was awake.

"I can never keep anything from you." Gibbs heard the smile in Tony's voice and he realized how much he'd missed the sound of it.

They were silent for a while. Just when Gibbs thought he should probably come up with something to say, Tony beat him to it.

"I was twenty three. A brat, really. I was a rookie at Peoria and I thought my future couldn't be brighter." He snorted and fell silent again. Gibbs held his breath and waited for the younger man to continue. He had no idea what was about to come but he knew he shouldn't interrupt so he waited patiently, not making a sound while he stared at the back of Tony's head.

"I could already see myself being hugged by the families whose kids I would've found, could already taste the medals I'd receive."

Recognition had always been important to Tony. Gibbs had often wondered why he covered up his insecurity with his flamboyant persona of the eternal bachelor. He knew Tony didn't care about the fame but somehow he always seemed to think that he had to deserve his place, no matter how many times he proved himself.

Gibbs was pulled out of his reveries when Tony continued.

"I'd been searching for something to do with my life. Basketball was out because of my leg and I didn't really have a back-up plan. Anyway, after I'd pulled Jason King out of that fire, it was suddenly clear: this was what I wanted to do."

Tony laughed. "I know you think fraternities are stupid but I loved our gang in college. Everyone knew eachother and everyone had one or two screws loose but it didn't seem to matter, we were tight. I was such a naive idiot."

He snorted again but it sounded bitter this time.

"Somehow I thought that everything would be the same in Peoria. Sure, the work was different. But there were a lot of young cops and I thought, _'Hey, this isn't so different from Ohio.'" _

"I made the stupid mistake of thinking that my teammates here would accept me just as easily as they'd done at OSU. The first few months everything was great, hanging out with the other guys after work, getting a few beers to relax after a tough day... until one of them remarked that 'the waitress had been coming on to me all night and maybe I wasn't feeling too good if I hadn't reacted yet?'"

Gibbs heard Tony's voice falter and his heart nearly beat out of his chest - _was Tony going to say what he suspected would come next_?

Tony took a couple of deep breaths and released them slowly.

"I told them that they could have the waitress because 'that was not really my thing.'... At first someone started guessing which cup sizes and hair colors _were _my thing but it didn't take long before the silence fell and I knew they understood... And you could see them start to wonder if _they _were my type. Don't you find that the most ridiculous thing, when people find out one of their friends is gay? They suddenly want to make sure that their friend knows they're straight. As if they would automatically be that person's type. Because, sure, if you're gay that means you've got to be into anything that walks."

Gibbs didn't answer, didn't _dare _answer. A thousand thoughts were simultaneously running through his head, begging to be heard. _Did Tony know about him? Was he Tony's type? Had Tony had a serious relationship with a man before? Did he top or bottom?" _

His thoughts came to an abrupt halt when the younger man continued, his voice thin and shaky.

"Two weeks passed and the subject didn't come up again. But I was alone; they didn't want to ride with me anymore. Didn't want to back me up anymore. I was so tired one night from working a case alone that I didn't -" the silence stretched out between them as Tony took in a shuddering breath. "I didn't notice that the front door was ajar before I'd stepped through and put away my sidearm."

Gibbs was sure that Tony could feel his heart beat irratically against his back and he reached out one hand, finding Tony's and intertwining their fingers. He watched as Tony looked down, obviously trying to place the sudden contact.

Finally he continued. He sounded nothing like the Tony Gibbs knew at that point - he sounded like a small scared boy and he pulled up his legs further against his chest.

"There were three of them." Tony breathed out, "They cuffed me to the bed and... and they t-took turns as they-" his voice cracked and he doubled over as a distressed sound in the back of his throat made Gibbs' stomach turn.

The older man grabbed Tony's hand and he squeezed it, unable to form a coherent sentence that would offer some comfort to Tony. Nothing he said would ever be able to make the younger man feel better. They lay there for what could've been hours, each man lost in their own headspace.

Suddenly Gibbs understood everything, how Tony always wore a mask that shielded him from the reality, his fierce loyalty to the team that backed him up daily, how this case had opened his wounds and left him raw, unable to go to anyone and left with himself, unable to pick up the pieces alone.

"Tony, I -" Gibbs rasped, trying to find something to say that didn't sound ridiculous to his own ears.

"I know, I understand that you have to go." Fear gripped at Gibbs' heart as he realized that Tony's voice once again sounded devoid of any emotion. He just sounded... tired now.

"Why would I go?" Gibbs frowned.

His answer seemed to shock Tony enough for the younger man to turn around and face him. His cheeks were tear-stained and his emerald eyes impossibly wide as he stared at Gibbs.

"How can you want me when you... when you know what they did to me?"

Gibbs tugged him closer and softly stroked his soft, brown strands, relieved when he calmed down somewhat.

"I am going to give you something to believe in", Gibbs whispered as he gently tipped Tony's chin up and pressed their lips together in a soft kiss.

* * *

**TBC!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm sorry for the delay! Here's the next chapter, hope you like it! Hugs**

* * *

**CHAPTER 6**

Tony sighed in the kiss and Gibbs backed away, watching the younger man as he slowly opened his eyes. DiNozzo was staring at him and Gibbs didn't know what was going to happen next.

"I - I don't understand." Tony breathed out. The Italian kept searching his face, as if he'd find all the answers written on his forehead.

"I think you do." Gibbs answered tentatively as the corner of his mouth raised carefully into one of his trademark half-smiles.

Tony's mouth opened and closed a couple of times - he looked like McGee but Gibbs knew better than to say that, if he wanted to keep Tony's knee away from his groin.

"But... why?" he answered finally.

"One day I'm going to get you to believe that you are enough."

It sounded cheesy, especially for Gibbs, but he meant it. Tony always thought people had an ulterior motive for whatever they did and Gibbs knew he had to make it clear to Tony that his love for the younger man was enough, that he'd do _anything _he could just to keep him safe.

The younger man didn't say anything, just grabbed Gibbs' arm and pulled him closer. His eyes closed again as he inhaled deeply.

_It was ridiculous but nothing had ever given him more comfort than the smell of sawdust. _

Tony didn't want to look at Gibbs right now. He knew he'd see the pity in his boss' eyes and he couldn't take it. Gibbs was the only one he'd ever told and he knew he'd regret it. All of his casual dates with women were meant to bring him a night of fun, where he carefully controlled his feelings and walked away sated. But Gibbs was different. He'd been different since Baltimore - since the older man had handpicked him to be his right hand man. Gibbs had made him rebuild his sense of selfworth and he'd always be grateful but he knew their... _bond _would never be the same now.

Who wanted to have sex with someone who'd been _used _like that? Men craved the chase and Tony felt like there was a stamp on his forehead that said 'DAMAGED'. Gibbs would never be able to get over this and treat him like he'd always done.

But Tony couldn't deny the nervous thrumming of his blood in his veins, the erratic beating of his heart. He _wanted_ Gibbs, always had. And now, all of a sudden, Gibbs says he lo- likes him? Tony couldn't even _think _the word.

Did he love Gibbs?

It was possible, but how could he know for sure? He had never let anyone come close. Even Gibbs - he'd only started to open up to the older man after a year of working side by side every day. His old partner Danny had hurt his already frail trust beyond belief. Gibbs had been refreshing - a force of nature. The older man was a functional mute - he didn't talk when it wasn't necessary and if he did, he preferred to use as few words as possible. It had felt so good not to be turned inside out, not to have to go through the get-to-know-your-partner talk where you talked about ordinary crap like wives and pets and kids and the kids' allergies and _bla-bla-ba_.

Once in a while he'd go over to Gibbs' and they'd have cowboy steaks in front of the TV and something in his chest settled whenever he saw how simple life could be.

And then, one day, as he got up and got ready for work, he'd realized that it had already been longer than two years at NCIS and he'd finally found a place where he could see himself stay. For how long, he didn't know yet, but at least he didn't feel the familiar urge to run bubbling up in his chest every day.

Anthony DiNozzo had made a life for himself in DC. He had a great team with people he would give his life for and every few months, whenever he got too restless, he took a few days and drove a hundred miles to a gay bar where no one would recognize him. And he'd pick out a toyboy for him to fuck senseless until he regained his calm.

It had worked for him for the past ten years. Until the case on the USS Enterprise. He'd seen the body and he'd known instantly what had happened to the Petty Officer. Sure, the word 'fag' was a hint, but the torn boxers and the way the victim's hands had been bound together had been enough. Enough to cause his stomach to turn and he'd lost control. He'd hidden in a _janitor's closet_, for fuck's sake. And he hadn't been able to get away to find some peace of mind. No, he'd been stuck on an aircraft carrier, unable to hide from his demons.

He should have known that Gibbs would be the one to fight them.

He opened his eyes again and found the older man still gazing at him. Patiently. As if just lying there with him was enough.

_Maybe it was._

The thought was exhilarating and terrifying all at once.

Tony cupped the back of Gibbs' neck and drew him down for another kiss. Their lips touched briefly, chastely. Gibbs' lips were surprisingly soft. Tony pressed them together again and his tongue sneaked out, not begging for entrance but taking it. He pulled Gibbs even closer and tugged at his hair, making the older man open his mouth. He felt lust shoot down his spine like an electric current as their tongues met and he groaned low in his throat. He realized how long he'd wanted this as desire pooled in his stomach from a simple kiss.

He arched his back in an attempt to touch every single inch of Gibbs' body at once and his breath hitched in his throat as he felt Gibbs' erection press against his groin.

Gibbs swallowed audibly as he tried to keep in the groan that threatened to escape. Tony raked his nails down his nape, along his neck over his covered back and he sighed deeply. _This felt so good. _

The silver haired man forced some distance between them as Tony's hand explored further, from his back to his side, along his hip to his knee and then back up to - he stopped Tony by his wrist before the younger man could cup his cock in his hand.

"Time-out." he breathed harshly as he tried to get his heart rate under control.

Anger flashed in Tony's eyes and the younger man exhaled loudly, rolling onto his back.

"I can draw my own line, you know." the irritation was barely concealed.

"I didn't do it for you." Gibbs answered lightly as if Tony wasn't angry at all.

The younger man arched a brow.

"I've wanted this for a long time. If you keep going, I'll come and I don't think I could handle your jokes about old men and their stamina."

Tony's eyes widened for an instant and then he smiled broadly. Gibbs could only stare at him. It had been days since he'd seen that smile and it did nothing to calm his heart.

They lay there for a while as silence stretched out between them.

"Tony?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't do casual."

"I know."

"Yeah?"

"Uh-hum. You can't pull of casual."

Tony laughed as Gibbs smacked his hip and he pulled the older man closer until he was lying on his chest, Tony's arm wrapped around him.

He pressed a soft kiss in Gibbs' hair and he felt the older man release a deep sigh.

Tony was happy to reverse the roles and reassure Gibbs for a while.

As Gibbs' breathing evened out and his frown lines faded, Tony suppressed a smile.

_A closeted snuggler, who would've guessed? _

* * *

**TBC :)**


End file.
